How to not let a major life event define you?

Here is something about me I don’t often share with people. 

I have had breast cancer three times, if you include once in each breast and then the double mastectomy and reconstruction. 

I don’t share it, not because I am embarrassed or trying to avoid sympathy. I don't share because I think this is the least interesting thing about me.  I do not want to be defined by having breast cancer, or in fact any of my medical issues (Ankylosing Spondylitis). 

It is important not to diminish the journey that myself and others that have been through.  Mine was very treatable and I am very thankful for the great outcome I have had through my treatment.  It is not a trivial matter at all and can be extremely devastating for many people and their families.   


 When people find out, they generally ask two questions: 

  • Are you going to slow down now? 

  • Was this the inspiration for Design Your Life on Purpose? 

These are good, sensible questions.  The answer to both those question is no. 

The catalyst for Design Your Life on Purpose started well over 10 years ago, when I left a truly horrible gig and wondered if that was really what I wanted to do with my life.

For me, my cancer diagnosis made me want to accelerate my plans, not slow them down.  I felt a more compelling reason to get cracking.  Of course, this did not happen straight away, as I needed to heal and manage the normal day to day while going through treatment.

Firstly, and most importantly, if a major life event has happened to you, it is important take whatever time you need.  Take as long as you need and do what you need to get you through this time.  Overcoming a diagnosis like this is an incredible thing, as even hearing the word cancer, certainly throws you off balance.

If you already have a Strategic Life Map, then work out if there is anything you can do now or whether you need to defer everything.  There is no shame in deferring, as you have enough to deal with right now.  I find items such as planning or researching can be achieved in very small increments of time.  Having something to look forward to can also be helpful, even if the time when it occurs is not defined.

If you don’t have a Strategic Life Map, I encourage you to get acquainted with the 2 Superpowers of Reflection Revolution and Dream Quest (insert link).  Take it easy, as it might trigger unwanted feelings, especially if your prognosis is less favourable.  Recording how you are feeling day to day in a journal will help get those thoughts and feelings out of your head.  I also encourage you to write all the things you are grateful for, it could be as simple as clean sheets or grilled cheese on toast. 

When you are ready and back on the road to recovery.  Take some time to reflect on your past life and what areas for improvement you might make with Reflection Revolution.  Then start to explore what your life could be through Dream Quest.  Both steps are essential for you to create a Strategic Life Map and to Design your Life on Purpose. 

Once you know where you are heading, you can start by taking small safe bets.  Each step will inform the next one and open up plenty of possibilities for you.  Be kind to yourself along the way, as no-one needs the ‘critical hag’ (or whatever you call that inner critic) at a time like this. 

 

I must admit this has been one of the hardest posts to write.  I am very conscious of not wanting to make people feel their circumstances are insignificant compared to my personal experience.  Balancing with the fact that even something as super scary as cancer, can help drive you forward to a future of your heart’s desire.   

My intention is to offer advice and encouragement, without judgement.  I hope that was achieved.  I have felt compelled to write this for a while and am glad to be able to talk about it.   

My last treatment was in 2017.  I am hanging out for the 5 year mark to be given the final all clear.  I am hesitant to say that because the last time I got to 4 years, they found another lump, hence bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. 

The major life event does not have to be a negative one, having a baby, one of the most joyful moments in life, is life changing.  (There you go unrelenting sense of positivity)

So, why am I telling you this?

Regardless of what is happening in your life, the choice if yours.  The choice as to what attitude to adopt, the choice as to what action to take, the choice to decide if this defines you or does not. 

Good and bad things happen every day.  You are in the driver’s seat of your life, and you can decide what it will mean for you, or whether it means something or not.

If the time is right for you, I encourage you to come to my program - Design Your Life on Purpose – where you can create a Strategic Life Map, that suits you and your circumstances.

 

Yours Collaboratively, 

Christina 


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